The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (BAS) has admitted an error in calculating the end of the world, blaming this on confusion between the kitchen and oven clocks. Rather than being two minutes to apocalypse, the use of BST means we are already slap bang in the middle of Armageddon – or Brexit, as it is known. The discovery that the worst has already happened has boosted morale and increased sales of canned spam, while enabling Britons to stop pretending to care about each other.
Created in 1947, the Doomsday clock originally stood at seven minutes to midnight, but was moved forward due to the Cuban Missile Crisis, the invention of Farmville and James Corden joining CBS. The spokeswoman said: ‘Unfortunately you can’t turn back time, unless you’re the Isle of Wight’.