Love in the First Degree convictions were Rough Justice says Bananarama lawyer


It was the show trial of 1987 – three young female singers sent to prison indefinitely for a crime of passion. However a new legal team reviewing the case are arguing that the convictions are unsafe, after uncovering worrying evidence of procedural irregularities in the trail.

‘The facts of the case are well known’, noted new lead lawyer Phun Buoy lll. ‘Miss Fahey, Miss Dallin and Miss Woodward were imprisoned in September 1987, being found guilty of Love in The First Degree. Dallin and Woodward remain incarcerated, although Miss Fahey famously escaped in 1988, but was reconvicted in 1993 for crimes against make-up following an extended period in the charts with Shakespear’s Sister in 1992.’

‘The original trial was a joke’, fumed Buoy. ‘The judge and jury wouldn’t go for their story, they wouldn’t even hear their plea. Furthermore, Bananarama were poorly represented by the now discredited legal team of Stock, Aitken and Waterman. They were advised to keep on repeating the same words in court under questioning, set to a strict pop/hi-NRG synthesised backing. There wasn’t even a middle 8.’

The key witness at the trial, known only as U, also failed to show, despite several desperate pleas in unison from the three defendants that only U could set them three, a snatch of the song that annoyingly remained in the heads of millions. ‘Single melody line, rather than harmony, note,’ Pete Waterman imuttered proudly to his defence team. He also reportedly advised Bananarama to say ‘Na, Na, Na , Na, Na, Na, Na Na, Hey Hey , Goodbye’ in their final statement.

‘When I last saw them in prison they didn’t look in a great way, in Doc Martens and ripped jeans that were too short,’ said Buoy. ‘At least they’ve let them wear their favourite clothes, I suppose. Their time in prison has been hard, and That’s Really Saying Something. Cruel Summers, detained behind bars, still searching for Love, Truth and Honesty. I Heard a Rumour that Robert De Niro was Waiting to hear about a retrial before buying the film rights to their story, but let’s wait and see.’

‘I’m trying to look at the case from different angles and find some more loopholes to get them out,’ confided Buoy. ‘After all, as someone once said ‘It isn’t what you do but rather the actual material method that you engage to do it that achieves an outcome that is deemed satisfactory to all parties’.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2018 by

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