F1 to replace Gird Girls with Grid Cockneys

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Following the decision to scrap ‘grid girls’, Formula 1 bosses have announced from next season cars will line up alongside men who were born within the sound of Bow Bells. These ‘grid Cockneys’ will still hold umbrellas to shade drivers, but instead of skimpy clothing, will wear West Ham shirts, colourful neckerchiefs, Levi Sta-Prest trousers and trilby hats.

Formula 1 CEO Chase Carey said: ‘These chirpy London lads will be a colourful addition to the grid, and as long as they don’t start selling stolen watches to the drivers or scrapping with each other in the paddock, they’ll be a welcome replacement for the girls, who were coming in for some hammer from feminists for having their arses and bangers on display.’

Men from Liverpool were also considered, but bosses decided that ‘grid Scousers’ were far too likely to steal the cars’ wheels in the pit lane and leave them up on bricks.

Johnny Shlep

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2018 by

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