Shadowy all-female organisation The Spice Girls has issued a chilling warning to Britain and the world – they plan to carry out further musical attacks, and there is nothing anybody can do to stop them.
The group has made no attempt to conceal its intentions, brazenly appearing in tabloid newspapers and the seedier television channels. The authorities are treating the threat as “credible”.
Little is known about this sinister group or what its members stand for, apart from their contempt for sensible evening wear and their self-evident loathing for music of any kind.
It was thought that the Spice Girls had been driven underground. There has been little sign of them since 2007, when they claimed responsibility for the “Headlines” attack that robbed so many of the will to live, and left countless others with musical memories that no amount of time could ever erase.
In 2012 they briefly surfaced when they staged a daring raid on the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games, but fortunately nobody was watching. Spice Girls sufferers have been coming forward in their thousands to share their stories, many blaming the authorities for failing to protect them.
For despite working round the clock, the police are no closer for establishing the group’s demands or how they can be stopped. “The trouble is,” a police hostage negotiator told us, “we have no idea what they want, what they really really want.”