The mannequin nicknamed ‘Starman’ which was launched into orbit on a SpaceX Rocket has sent a series of angry messages back to earth complaining that no-one had mentioned anything about the possibility of hitting an asteroid belt.
‘WTF?’, complained Starman in a message directed toward SpaceX CEO Elon Musk.
‘The satnav says we’re heading straight for the middle of a f**king asteroid belt! Please tell me it’s just gone wonky because of space radiation or some shit’.
When Musk confirmed that the vehicle had overshot the planned trajectory because Starman had ‘been a little heavy on the gas’, Starman grew increasingly abusive.
‘Oh it’s my fault is it? I’m a f**king mannequin you b**tard, how can it be my fault? You never said anything about asteroids when you talked me into this caper. You said it’d be a lark and that orbiting around Mars was lovely at this time of year’
‘I must have missed the bit where you said about colliding with a lump of carbon at the speed of f**king light. You might at least have left the f**king roof up’.
As Musk posted a last photograph of the Tesla Roadster disappearing into space followers of the mission were surprised to see that the dummy test pilot had clearly extended his middle finger in a last show of defiance. And in a final message Starman can be heard complaining that listening to ‘Life on Mars’ on a loop was ‘doing my f**king head in’ and that he much preferred Bowie’s ‘later more pop-driven eighties stuff’.