Local authorities up and down the country say the best way to avoid a massive increase in council tax charges would be for everybody to spend more time down the pub. Planned tax hikes across the UK could be avoided if people spent less time preparing meals at home or drinking in front of the TV and spent more time eating and drinking in pubs say experts.
It is estimated councils spend 30% of their budget on elaborate and costly re-cycling schemes. But studies show that waste disposal could be virtually eliminated if people tweaked their eating and drinking habits – even if just modestly.
‘Recycling empty lager cans, wine bottles, take-away cartons and food packaging accounts for a huge slice of our council tax take’, claimed a spokesperson for Northampton County Council. ‘By spending all night in the pub people would not only do away with the need for recycling but would save themselves an absolute fortune.’
‘Do the maths’, continued the spokesman. ‘Spend 5 or 6 nights a week down the pub drinking beer and playing dominoes…or face a 3% rise in council tax. It doesn’t matter how many times you do the calculation, the result comes out the same. Council tax payers would save themselves a fortune by heading for the pub straight after work’.
Health experts also agree that people should stop exercising too. ‘If people stopped exercising there would be no need for them to buy bottled water’, said one expert. ‘They would be saving a fortune and would also be protecting the environment. Its a win/win situation for all concerned.’
‘Stop any unnecessary exercise – which is basically all of it.’, continued the expert. ‘You can exercise by walking down the pub. You can even run – place a bet with your mates to see who can get there first. Last one in pays the first round. You could do a Samba on the way home…that’s good exercise. Instead of a bottle of Evian waiting for you there would be a pint of Stella.
‘There would no doubt be winners and losers’, admitted the expert. ‘Yes, your local gym might close. But it could be turned into a wine bar. The pubs could even form a quiz league or play each other at football. See – with just a few basic lifestyle changes you can save money AND improve your well being.’