Titanic passengers call for reconsideration of order to ‘abandon ship’


‘We are not impressed by the confusion over the transition into the lifeboats,’ said a disgruntled passenger. ‘And we should have a chance to change our minds, once we know exactly how the lifeboats will be filled, who will be in which lifeboat, how big the lifeboats are, how comfortable they will be and even whether there will be absolute certainty that there are enough lifeboats anyway.’

Other passengers have voiced doubts about the whole idea of taking to the lifeboats at all. ‘We will be adrift, alone, in the dark, in the middle of a vast ocean. Surely we should stay aboard the ship we know as it heads at full speed towards Ever Closer Union, whether that is Ever Closer Union with the USA, Ever Closer Union with an iceberg, or whatever’.

‘Yet the ship was designed by experts and is crewed by experts – very highly paid experts, too, by all accounts – even if we didn’t have any say in their appointment.  What could possibly go wrong?  And who invited Boris into the lifeboat?  He’s too fat for us to stay afloat and keeps demanding £350m for Jet Skis.’

However many of the passengers are undecided. ‘Perhaps, at regular intervals, we should repeatedly re-examine the idea of abandoning the ship,’ said one of them.  Another said: ‘The ship was built in Northern Ireland.  The people there seem to be a calm, wise, level-headed and open-minded bunch of people, always with a clear, logical and consistent idea of what they want.  Why don’t we let them decide for us?’


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Posted: Feb 16th, 2018 by

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