Boris wins Bafta for Best Actor in a Supporting role


As stars of the silver screen gathered at the Albert Hall for this year’s British film awards, few in the audience of celebrities and artists could deny that Boris Johnson was a worthy winner of the Bafta for Best Actor in a Supporting role for his speech at the Policy Exchange think tank.

The Chief Executive of Bafta, Sonia Berry, said that ‘whether Johnson was on-script or whether he was improvising his own lines, in every tussle of the hair or every school-boyish smirk at the havoc he creates, Johnson is utterly and totally committed to the method performance of making everyone believe that he really does think that he deserves to lead the country’. Boris beat off heavy competition in the category from Sam Rockwell, who also (like Johnson) plays a bigoted hypocrite who is prepared to use Darius Guppy-like violence as a tactical means to an end.

Johnson also faced a stiff challenge in the voting from Christopher Plummer who also plays a mean-spirited multi-millionaire who would rather see innocent people suffer than surrender one piece of his own empire or dignity. The category was in even greater contention because Hugh Grant also plays a posh twat who is prepared to lie, steal and vandalise for his own personal aggrandisement.

Johnson, when receiving the award, thanked the people who made his performance as a statesman possible this year. He thanked Theresa May, who is herself nominated for her performance as ‘Prime minster of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland’ but is likely to be beaten by Frances McDormand who also plays a character who tries to reduce police numbers and is in a black-mail based relationship with a midget. He also thanked Gavin Williamson who is up for best new-comer and Dr Liam Fox who is up for Best Visual Effects based on his ability to remain invisible for the last twelve months.

Media sources also confirmed that Gary Oldman (who played Churchill in the Darkest Hour) is slated to play Johnson who himself is always playing Churchill. Oldman said that he sees the role as one of the pinnacle moments of his career and he plans to prepare for the role by immediately calling Daniel Kaluuya a pickaninny and seeing if Angelina Jolie fancies directing him as Johnson in a film about the ethnic cleansing in Myanmar called ‘The Man who would be Kipling’.

Milo Shame

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2018 by

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