A boss’ effort to ‘mingle with the troops’ in an attempt to understand employees’ experiences and frustrations has ended in seven resignations, two concussions and a fire in the Tea Room, it can be announced.
CEO Geoffrey Stickinbottom boldly stepped out onto the office floor on Friday afternoon unannounced, nonchalantly dismissing the protest from his PA and her offer of a flak jacket. Beaming like a prize bastard, the founder of the company then set about unintentionally destroying any vestige of morale before acting as the catalyst for a medium-scale riot in the refreshments area.
‘Despite having never net me he tried to remember my name for five minutes, waiving off my attempts to help him out and running through a string of Dickensian sounding surnames like “Bounderby” and “Pennywhistle”, before moving on to first names, “Edmund”, “Ernest” and “Horatio” exclaimed exasperated accounts executive Sarah Smith.
“Then he waffled on about “missing the banter” and that there must be “good banter” amongst “peoples such as yourselves” before pointing at a computer and exclaiming “Goodness, what will they think of next!?”‘
‘He proceeded to request a report on “how many pallets we shipped last month” – we’re a web design company – before finally commanding the design manager to “Fetch me a tea my good man and here’s tuppence for your troubles” at which point someone in Sales lit and threw the first Molotov cocktail.’
‘Shortly afterwards I scrawled my resignation on the desk with a Bourbon biscuit and slid down one of those yellow construction chutes to my new life’ she added.
Mr Stickinbottom’s error of judgement follows an alleged incident last month where he attempted to become an ‘undercover boss’ by sporting some Lederhosen and a Cheesecutter cap before talking to the photocopier because he ‘thought it was a robot’, according to reports.