A spokesman for the United States Congress stated today that efforts to reform America’s gun laws were being hampered by the fact that they are experiencing no shortage of chickens.
‘On the contrary,’ he went on to say, ‘There has been absolutely no interruption to the supply line. And by that I mean money from the NRA going into politicians’ pockets, and their consequent cowardice when it comes to passing any law the NRA might not like.’
As a result, he was confident Congress would continue to produce a great deal of hot air and false emotion for the cameras, but no actual laws that might prevent the same thing happening in another school in a week or so.
‘It did seem at one point there might be some semblance of an anti-gun law beginning to form. But it turned out this was just to ban so-called “bump stocks”, which make semi-automatic weapons behave as fully automatic ones.
‘A device like this was used in the Las Vegas shooting (58 dead) though not in other recent atrocities. Banning it reflects our deeply-held conviction that shooters shouldn’t be able to rack up more than 20 or 30 kills before the cops take them down.’