The Government is to take a strong line in withdrawing funding from any institution harbouring sexual predators, unless of course its a Premiership football team, a Weinstein production or the President’s Club. Ministers have made it clear that their limited budget to support perverts had all but been spent on cleaning Damien Green’s internet history.
Financial support for the UN will now be channeled into a slush fund for the Under Secretary for International Trade’s dildo collection. Likewise charities will now need to meet an ethical standard, rather than pass the Bullingdon Club entrance exam.
One MP explained: ‘St. Francis of Assisi said that ‘Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance’. But he also went onto to say ‘ where there are prostitutes and horny aid workers, there is a great deal of chaffing’.
‘Charity begins at home, but so does molestation, so we need to be vigilant. Our public bodies need to keep their hands off public bodies. And the only members that should touch members are Members of Parliament. Give a man a fish and he’ll molest it for a day, but elect him to Parliament and he’ll get all totty he wants’.