Donald Trump today ordered all 72 million schoolchildren in the USA to undergo intensive commando training during the next school holidays. They will all then be issued with semi-automatic assault rifles, body armour and Kevlar helmets and allowed to resume their classes. [read...]
Britain’s Olympic Committee has admitted that the second man in the British two-man bobsleigh team is not in fact a professional athlete, just a guy called Dave who normally works in Accounts Receivable. ‘Sure, the guy actually steering the bobsleigh has to be highly skilled,’ [read...]
National treasures Ant and Dec are to be given to the EU as part of a deal which will see David Cameron secure key concessions on welfare payments to immigrants. The move comes after Polish delegates stormed out of negotiations after the Prime Minister’s opening offer of the Chuckle Brothers and Bonnie Langford appeared to have backfired. [read...]
