The President Trump Corporation (in association with the NRA Investments & Loans LLC) has put forward its plans for hardening schools all across the United States to make them fit for the 21st century – and yet remarkably similar to the 1800s west of the Pecos.
The plans were announced after another mass school shooting in which Donald Trump didn’t actually see for himself how gun-free schools are a magnet for rootin-tootin desperados. However, he strongly believes that students can solve all of their soft-target problems if only schools would hombre the hell up and turn the gyms into blacksmiths, the canteens into mercantile stores, and the staffrooms into whorehouses like the best little ones in Texas.
During a special White House meeting with many many survivors of school shootings, Mr Trump hosted a listening session in which he reassured everyone by saying: “My darling clementines, it’s a real shane that once upon a time in the west, a wild bunch of little big mans hud to be the outlaw, and unforgiven for a duel in the sun. But now, thanks to the searchers for a few dollars more than a fistful of dollars, every student – the good, the bad, and the ugly – right across the big country, from Fort Apache to the Rio Grande, will get a bonanza of magnificent sevens with the true grit to save their rawhides from a bad day at black rock before high noon.”
Meanwhile, critics of Donald Trump are expecting his presidency to end with a bang that’s shortly followed by a bigly parade from Capitol Hill to Boot Hill.