Showbiz manager Martin Erlichman admitted today that he cloned Barbra Streisand – not once but twice.
‘People think it sounds weird and all kinda out of touch Hollywood but I’m no different to anyone else who can’t bear to lose a loved one,’ he explained. ‘When Barbra secretly passed away in the early 90s, I did what all of us would do…scraped DNA out of her dead mouth and stomach and paid scientists millions of dollars to resurrect her.’
‘To be honest, the results have been mixed,’ Erlichman confessed. ‘On the one hand, Barbra’s cells have helped me to produce Adele, who has a great voice but only when she’s singing. My god, her talking voice is horrific. How can you be the voice of a generation when you sound like a permanently-drunk cockney Grandad? And that’s not even to mention all the potty mouth stuff between the songs either.’
‘And then at the other side of the scale, we ended up with… Duffy,’ he added, sadly.
‘I’m hoping that as they get older, both develop Barbra’s stage fright. That way, I won’t have to hear Duffy sing or Adele talk ever again.’
Rumors that Miley Cyrus is in fact the failed result of a doomed attempt to clone Dolly Parton remain unconfirmed, as do stories that Streisand is alive, well and collaborating with the Notorious BIG in Cuba.