Russia Threatens to Cut off Internet Porn to UK

FILE - In this Feb. 27, 2013 photo illustration, hands type on a computer keyboard in Los Angeles. Frustration over passwords is as common across the age brackets. Bill Lidinsky, director of security and forensics at the School of Applied Technology at the Illinois Institute of Technology, recommends using a “simple mental algorithm,” including those that use a space, if a site allows that. (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes, File) ORG XMIT: NY713

President Putin was left holding all the cards in the UK/Russian diplomatic row as the ruthless Kremlin cyber-warfare unit threatened to cut off the UK completely from all internet porn. An ashen-faced Boris Johnson emerged from an emergency COBRA meeting to address an angry and frightened nation.

‘Last night,’ he said, ‘the Russian state made grave and extremely concerning threats towards Her Majesty’s Government, and 92% of all British males. Rest-assured the Government stands ready to react should the Russian threat be carried out.’

Proposed emergency measures included ordering the BabeStation channel to be immediately available free-to–air to all UK households, and the emergency production of home-grown UK porn.

‘We fully realise,’ said Mr Johnson, ‘that UK-produced filth is no substitute whatsoever for the high-quality, properly eye-poppingly boggle-stonking European stuff. However we hope our brave citizens will evoke the blitz-spirit and soldier on through the difficult, and very dark times ahead.’

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2018 by

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