After watching the Cheltenham Festival without attempting to win cash off the back of an unknowing animal’s unintentional achievements , a group of ex-gambling addicts have confirmed that horse-racing is a tedious, pointless sport when betting is not involved.
“I can believe I’ve never noticed this before,” one surprised viewer confessed. “But watching a man sit on top of a big horse that sometimes jumps over a hedge is far from a complex, rewarding activity.
“I used to think I was watching for the thrill of the race. Little did I know it was the chance of winning vast sums of money that interested me.”
“I switched the channel off at one point,” claimed another recovering addict. “And turned on Sky Film. The intricate plot lines and narrative themes of the Fast and Furious franchise were a welcome break from the sheer inanity of watching a herd of domesticated beasts running in a straight line.
“Obviously, I still had a punt on the ending, despite the fact I’ve seen it five times and an actual horse could have worked out the final scene regardless. Maybe Fast and Furious isn’t actually an intellectually stimulating watch, and I was just on futile quest to feel something, anything, by risking my hard earned cash on the outcome?
“But at least in the end, the cars get fixed up at Big Vin’s garage, instead of being taken behind a racing track and shot in the bonnet at point-blank range.”