‘It wasn’t an attempt to kill the lady,’ said the driver, who arrived at Ms Lamb’s house at 10am this morning so as to take her 200 yards for a 9.45am appointment with her podiatrist. ‘It’s just that I saw lots of neighbours helping the old dear from her front door towards the kerb and so I thought I’d have plenty of time for a cigarette break.’
He went on to explain: ‘The old girl looked pretty-well past it if you ask me and I reckoned she might piss on the upholstery, so I went to cover the seat with yesterday’s Daily Mail’.
‘I was opening the passenger door and that’s when she climbed in’.
‘Technically, I could be struck off by the cab company for leaving the car unattended and with the key still in the ignition switch, so don’t tell anyone, OK?’