Manufacturers of cups, plates, mugs and bottled goods have been banned from putting fiddly little sticky labels on their products that refuse to peel off, even if dipped in a bath of sulphuric acid. Said one consumer services spokesman: ‘Enough’s enough. What the hell are they even for, except to piss you off when you’re scraping at them in a futile attempt to get them off cleanly?’
Housewife Jean Marshall said: ‘I bought four new mugs for the family in Tesco three years ago. Despite soaking them first and then spending another three hours at the sink, there are still little black marks of residual adhesive stuck to the bottom that won’t budge to this day. I want my life back.’ The Samaritans have welcomed the move saying they now anticipate up to 200 fewer suicide attempts this year.