The Criminal Bar Association has announced that its members are to walk out over ‘inadequate provision’ for a non-uniform day. Barristers have long wanted a specific working day where they can participate in charity fundraising, ‘as with other commonplace professions and employments’. Such has been the desperation for barristers to do their bit, rumours of legal eagles taking fundraising into their own hands have begun to circulate.
A barrister who wished to remain anonymous divulged, ‘Everyone’s doing it and it’s getting harder and harder to disguise our resentment at not having uniform non-uniform parity.’
‘We need a day where everyone knows whoever is in the courtroom has a Star Trek uniform on, or is Tina Turner, or is pleading for clemency whilst walking like Frankenstein. It’s all in aid of people who need help. Why can’t we bring a pound in for charity and defend a client dressed as Wonder Woman? Who knows, it might just rub off.’
‘We’ve been round the courtroom after a conviction with a collection bucket, that went down like a pig on a pogo-stick.’
‘Some erstwhile colleagues had a 3-legged day in court last week where the defence and prosecution counsels were tethered at the ankle. It was hilarious, but I got the impression only the barristers were taking it seriously enough to see the funny side.’
‘We had a challenge during a trial recently when the the losing legal team had to forfeit their fees to charity. The challenge was to see who could get as many lines from ‘forget your troubles, c’mon get happy’ into their questioning. It was extremely difficult as the case was a profile multiple murder, but in the end the winner was charity as yours truly, Felicity Jenkins, donated thousands. So yeah, serious stuff.’
The Ministry of Justice when asked their opinion chose to remain silent, which in the ears of barristers is tacit complicity and therefore approval.
Summing up, the anonymous barrister added, ‘Why can’t for one day in the year a sumo-suited judge pass sentence on helium? Wouldn’t that act as a crime-reducing metaphor for everyone to just jolly well lighten up?’