With high-level negotiations, tit-for-tat posturing and Boris Johnson seemingly not being enough to make leaving the EU as simple as possible, Theresa May announced that Brexit would be outsourced to China. This has been seen as a both a disaster and a triumph by those who tie themselves in knots trying to remember what they said was best for Britain last week.
‘It’s a disgrace,’ Nigel Farage said in his most not-posh voice. ‘British Brexit should be made by British people. We don’t need the Chinese cocking up something we are clearly more than capable of cocking up ourselves’. He continued on to excitedly tell us this was a great move and another clear example of how Britain can trade with the whole world now it had left the EU.
Work on making Brexit for the UK market will begin next week, but experts in flat-pack furniture have warned that the final document will probably make no sense after it has been translated from Chinese into English using Google.
Asked what she thought about the prospect of the UK’s Brexit terms and negotiating platform being written in a sweatshop by a small group of 6-year-olds, Theresa May said that it was something she had thought long and hard about. ‘I agree that having barely literate children, who’ll spend most of their time playing games, are grossly under qualified for the job, and won’t stop fighting with each other writing such an important document is a really bad idea,’ she explained. ‘That’s the reason I’m outsourcing to China’.