Following on from its recent ‘exciting’ news to cease giving customers a free coffee, upmarket supermarket Waitrose has identified other ways to please customers.
‘Providing change is just an irritant, don’t you agree?’ asked Shona, a customer relations officer for Waitrose. ‘That’s why we’re rounding up all our product lines to multiples of five pounds, going forward. And what about value for money? Overrated or what,’ she added, failing to mention the supermarket chain had never been accused if it previously.
‘What ordinary people want is a small basket of unpronounceable foods that are unrecognisable to their neighbours in exchange for a small fortune, a free newspaper and an instantly recognisable Waitrose bag for life, only £7.50 each. Hang on, did I say free newspaper?’