Following Russia’s threat of retaliation for the allies bombing in Syria, fierce arguments have broken out within Theresa May’s Cabinet.
Reports of pushing, shoving and name-calling have leaked out as each member tried to secure their place in the secret Underground Bunker should Russia attack the UK
In the past many Ministers have questioned Boris Johnson’s personal Hygiene as a valid reason for excluding him and by association, his brother. ‘No one wants to be locked up in a steel Box with the Johnsons when they start to drool and sweat,’ one Minister said.
‘With the Royal Family’s Aircraft ever ready to leg it to Canada at a moment’s notice, it’s just the fate of the great, the good and the very wealthy we have to worry about, the great unwashed British public will have to fend for themselves,’ said another high-ranking Tory
Unconfirmed reports tell of Michael Gove shouting, ‘I’m a fisherman, I’m important,’ before being kicked in the testicles by Amber Rudd.
Meanwhile Jeremy Hunt has remembered that he actually owns the bunker as part of his undisclosed property portfolio, so has bagged first dibs on a place.