A brave burglar, who heroically died while merely trying to provide the latest electronic equipment for his family, is to have a statue erected in his honour. His relatives were pushing for sainthood and a burial in Westminster Abbey but are still pleased with the government recognition.
‘He was pretty much the best man that ever lived’ said one relative. ‘Certainly he was one of the better burglars I ever knew – well, until last week I guess.’ A Peace Garden is also to be created in the street where he tragically died so that the local police force can come and pay a daily tribute.
The local Police Chief said that ‘Many people in the community misunderstand our role. But let me perfectly clear. When beautiful tributes are made to a hard-working and prolific burglar, it’s our job to make sure no-one disrupts that. Usually we wouldn’t get involved in a burglary case if our lives depended it on it – its case closed, thanks for coming, here’s you crime reference number for the insurance and change yer locks. But in this case we felt deliberately obstructing the burglar was a step too far in today’s Britain.’
Meanwhile the florists in the area have also paid tribute to the man, who they say is responsible for the greatest upswing in business since Princess Diana. ‘She was the “people’s princess” and this guy was the “people’s burglar.” Well, at least he was a burglar of many peoples. We’d like to thank him anyway, and the flower-stomping vigilantes as well who’ve made this all possible.