Boris Johnson found guilty of not being Boris Johnson

NOTE ALTERNATE CROP Mayor of London Boris Johnson salutes from the deck of the tall ship Tenacious, which is moored at Woolwich, in east London, as part of the month long Totally Thames festival.

A man who has been passing himself off as a bumbling politician for the past twenty years is today starting a three year prison sentence after having been convicted of multiple instances of deception.

“Foreign Secretary”, Boris Johnson, never went to Oxford or Eton it has been revealed. He’s not even Boris Johnson but is in fact a brickie’s labourer called Reg Clark, who says he honed his Boris Johnson character while playing the buffoon in an Edwardian farce for his local amateur dramatics society. He further perfected the portly persona with a daily diet of six Big Macs and milkshakes, and putting his suit on in the dark every morning.

Mr Clark was almost rumbled a few years ago while posing as Mayor of London, but was saved by a character reference from Jeffrey Archer. He claims to have put his past behind him, although he does hope to be out ‘before they pick a new Archbishop of Canterbury’.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2018 by

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