In an effort to curb black British citizens committing paperwork crime, police have been given controversial ‘stop and deport’ powers to use on anyone that looks like they’re not directly descended from King Arthur.
‘We’re not targeting any one community in particular.’ said one police boss, ‘Well apart from the black one of course. If we suspect someone is walking our streets without their passport, birth certificate and thirty years of detailed tax records, then they will be stopped. Unless they’re white, and then they won’t be stopped. Well, they could be….’ he warned, ‘but they won’t be,’ he reassured.
‘We don’t want to alarm certain communities, but this lack of paperwork has got to stop. We can’t have feral packs of law-abiding, hard-working adults roaming the streets, trying to get healthcare and such things without giving the Home Office 400 pages of paperwork and 1500 quid,’ said the Chief Constable.
Amber Rudd said that only Britons that her department decided were actually Britons would be allowed to stay in Britain. ‘Basically anyone that doesn’t regularly wear Union Jack undies, doesn’t love massive queues, and can’t recite at least 20 lines of dialogue from ‘Zulu’ is in big danger.’
As well as the Windrush Britons, all people of foreign background are now under suspicion, with a Home Office van seen leading an elderly couple away from a central London palace for questioning about their right to be here.