First cuckoo of spring deported by Home Office

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A keen birdspotter in a Hampshire village who claims to have heard the traditional first cuckoo in spring believes it may have been deported by the Home Office having been brought to their attention by local avian vigilantes. Fenella Johnson said that she was delighted to hear the easily recognised call of the annual spring immigrant while out walking her dog earlier in the month but believes she may have witnessed the first implementation of a new ‘British Skies for British Birds’ policy first introduced when Theresa May was Home Secretary but also on holiday.

‘I spotted the creature sitting on a branch overhead and was about to take a picture when it was suddenly surrounded by a crowd of angry locals, police officers, Home Office officials with clipboards and Nigel Farage; all demanding to know if it could produce evidence of previous visits and useful employment stretching back to 1948. At first the bird seemed a little confused then it just kept repeating ‘Cuckoo, Cuckoo.’ I suppose that was an understandable reaction but it didn’t help its’ case.”

Ms Field added that since then she hadn’t heard the bird’s call again and could only assume that it had been driven away. A Home Office spokesman said that he couldn’t comment on individual cases but he had heard of similar occurrences elsewhere in the country. Local birds spotter and UKIP activist John Bull-Finch (not his real name) added; “To be frank, I’m not surprised. For too long these multi coloured foreign bastards have been coming over here to get an easy life. They’re attracted by our fantastic weather (best in the world) and the chance to get their kids fed on the cheap while British nestlings go hungry. This is why I voted Brexit and why I am moving to Marbella to get away from all the foreigners here.’

 

Terry Bunn

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2018 by

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