Sun drives man to seek drink

A man in his early 30s was spotted becoming increasingly distressed this afternoon. Earlier, Simon Jenkins, noting the nice weather, began emailing work colleagues at around 1pm to see if anyone ‘fancied a pint’ after work.

Unable to pin anyone down in the office,  Simon moved on to messaging friends, then acquaintances, then a bloke called Steve who Simon had exchanged numbers with at a wedding last year whilst they were both drunk. In desperation, Simon then phoned those people who hadn’t yet replied to his earlier messages. To no avail.

Simon was last seen talking to the Uber delivery bike riders – who hang about the McDonald’s drive thru near his house – and gesticulating towards the pub opposite.



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Posted: Apr 20th, 2018 by

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