With the London Marathon taking place today, and up to 40000 people taking part, probably dressed as an ostrich, a rhinoceros or a freaking Smurf, Newsbiscuit has prepared a list of 10 facts for anyone taking part to get them through the tedium of it all:
1) It’s 26.2 miles. Seriously. What is wrong with you? There’s a perfectly good public transport system.
2) The first person to run a marathon was Pheidippides. He didn’t have a choice. You do. And he is dead.
3) Jimmy Savile used to run marathons. You wouldn’t want to be associated with him, now, would you? Well, now you are. You’re just like him, Jimmy.
4) It hurts. Every muscle and bone in your body will hurt and you might die. Especially at your age. What are you thinking?
5) All your friends will hate you because you have made them look like a bunch of
slackers. Which they probably are anyway, but there’s nothing worse than being reminded about it.
6) Where will you put your keys? Seriously? Where will you put your keys? You’ve no idea, have you?
7) Every conversation you ever have after running a marathon will somewhere include the phrase, “I ran a marathon” and everyone will hate you just that little bit more.
8) If God wanted you to run 26 miles he’d have made you a cheetah or a train. You don’t have to prove anything to us or yourself.
9) Cancer Research has enough money. They don’t need your £74.13. They’re loaded. How do you think they pay for all those adverts with Sting, Adele and that Go Compare bloke singing in them?
10) All decent people should still be in bed at that time on a Sunday morning. You make me sick. You really do.