A Frenchman who has lived and worked in the UK for decades is being deported from his home, where he thought he would be spending the rest of his life. The man, who has been named as Arsene Wenger, gave himself up to the relevant authorities before he was rounded up and forcibly removed from his natural home – that being around 5th, 6th or 7th on the Premier League Table.
Wenger was invited into this country many years ago to help re-build a decrepit old football club at a time when no British managers were deemed up to the job. After initial success he has now returned it to the state that he found it in 22 years ago. He said that, after the Brexit result, he found thousands of vicious, racist Brits were suddenly screaming ‘Wenger Out!’ at him wherever he went, justifying their conduct by reference to Arsenal’s years of under-achievement.
However many Brits were quick to support the French immigrant, saying he came here to do a job nobody else wanted and made a pretty good fist of it. Kyle Baxter of Highbury said: ‘He’s a top bloke is Arsene – model immigrant. He came here, learnt the language, integrated well with other football managers and quickly learnt to moan and groan about everything like a true Brit in between winning seven FA Cups and two doubles. The man’s a legend.’
Many other foreigners now fear the ‘Windrush’ boot including one Jose Mourinho of Portugal, and Antonio Conte of Italy. Mourinho has sought to guarantee his UK residency by claiming ‘Special One’ status with the Home Office, however Home Office officials say they will refuse to grant it. ‘Maybe five, ten years ago, sure, we’d have granted it,’ said an unnamed official, ‘but now…? He’s having a laugh, surely.’