Fathers unable to bond with their kids without shared Star Wars knowledge

'It's alright, we're getting down soon - Episode One's on a minute'

A study of young parents has revealed that new fathers are unable to relate to their children without a shared knowledge of the Star Wars universe, with many refusing to take part in their upbringing until they have at least a basic understanding of ‘The Force’. Furthermore, parental bonds have been harmed over disagreements regarding the validity of the prequels and inclusion of Jar Jar Binx within the saga.

Fathers have been accused by women’s groups of putting their own nostalgia for the popular movie series before their responsibilities as a parent. In response, Fathers for Justice have taken to public buildings dressed as Batman, Spiderman and various other Marvel and DC characters to demonstrate the many other franchises they are willing to embrace.

However, the study also revealed that once their Star Wars education has begun, the children show improved numeracy and can count up to 6 – though always beginning at 4 and going up to 6 before starting again at 1. Literacy is similarly affected, with good reading skills, but a tendency to place the object at the start of the sentence.

To counter this, Lego have launched a Duplo Star Wars range, in the hope that it might entice fathers into spending more creative play time. A spokesperson for Lego said ‘If we strike at the right age, these children can become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.’ However, responding to the study, the Minister for Education admitted ‘These are not the results we are looking for.’

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Posted: Apr 29th, 2018 by

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