Next year’s merger of a great British institution with an American counterpart will be free to view at community events across the UK, it has been announced today.
‘We just wanted to spread the joy of watching two rich people sign contracts,’ said Sainsbury’s CEO. ‘Now the government has waived the licence fee, every community can afford to celebrate the happy day with even more multipack crisps, own brand Prosecco and maybe even some ‘Taste the Difference’ Taleggio Cheese Straws’.
It has since emerged that the licence fees will be covered by Walmart CEO Judith McKenna ‘out of the spare $10m she carries around in her purse’, and that all the new supermarket chain wants in return is a place on the civil list for itself and any future subsidiaries, plus a massive castle in the home counties. The Asda boss added: ‘Every little helps!’