Genetics questioned as nip/tuck mum gives birth to ugly children

even modern science can't put them back in

Essex parents Rob and Jennie Chapman are taking legal advice after the birth of their second pair of twins, widely rated as two of the ugliest ever born locally.

‘Our eldest two, Calvin and Cline, are both ugly by any definition’ said Rob yesterday. ‘After they were born we dug out the old family photo albums. One look was enough to convince us the ugliness was hereditary, so we were very hesitant about going for another child until we’d sorted out Jennie’s looks.’

The young family went without treats, foreign holidays and Christmas presents for five years in order to save up for wide ranging cosmetic work. ‘We just gritted our teeth and went for the full monty’ explained Jennie. ‘A complete facial with neck, nose job and both ears pinned back. Then, to future-proof our investment, I also got a gastric band and breast enhancements. The boobs were on ‘buy one get one free’ offer so we’d have been foolish not to.’

Having also invested in comprehensive dental work, a new more stylish wardrobe and regular ‘quality’ hairdressing, the Chapmans were optimistic about the prospects for a better looking baby. ‘We’d always wanted a large family,’ explained Rob ‘and were delighted when the obstetrician told us it was twins again.’

‘Jennie was looking quite good, even though I say so myself, so we just couldn’t understand it when we finally got to see the new babies. Courtney came out first and to be honest was pretty much as bad as her older sisters. Still, we’d got used to that so she was just about ‘liveable with’, if you get my meaning. When little Cox appeared though, even the experienced midwife retched.’

Their unhappy experience hasn’t made the Chapmans give up entirely on further children though. ‘I reckon I might have had some of those dodgy PIP breast implants – that might have had something to do with it. Or maybe they took after Rob, and we’ll just have to save up for some serious cosmetic work on him’ said Jennie. ‘And if that doesn’t work I could stop shagging the milkman I suppose.’


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Posted: May 1st, 2018 by

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