Ahead of local elections, the Prime Minister insisted that her catalogue of errors was due to ‘dirty rhythm’ and ‘funky fever’. Voters should not blame her predicament on the sunshine, the moonlight or the good times (in the early 80s) – they should blame Jeremy Corbyn and Damien Green’s inability to delete his search history.
Mrs May insisted that Government corruption and institutional racism could not be blamed for Grenfell Tower and the ‘night she spent in Frisco’. If anything, she was probably drugged with a ‘nasty boogie bug’, which resulted in thousands of Windrush documents being incinerated.
While she acknowledged that Cabinet ministers had been forced to resign over sexual misconduct, collusion with Israel or just for being Justine Greening; primarily, the error was in ‘visiting every type of disco’ but no local constituencies.
Further to this Mrs May hoped that voters would not be put off, given that she could not ‘control her feet’, particularly in fields of wheat. A Labour spokeswoman remarked: ‘Too often the boogie is blamed for the failures of Government. It’s Mrs May’s fault for having boogie related targets. The boogie is blameless, which is more than I can say for that numpty, Boris’.