In an effort to reproduce the authentic human driving experience, designers are to place a chip in the rear of driverless cars that invariably knows more than the official program controlling the vehicle.
Complex algorithms will analyse the road ahead and contribute a steady input of suggestions, like “you’re not seriously taking the motorway at this hour?”, and “we’d be there now if you’d taken the A4 like I told you” etc.
For occasions when there is no controversy about which lane the car should be in, or whether that van driver is about to pull out, there is a reserve supply of more than 3,000 irritating remarks, including. “turn off the air conditioning”, “my feet are freezing”, and “when are we stopping for a coffee”.
“Going on a 300-mile bank holiday trip without any in-car friction may be too much of an alien experience for some people”, said engineer Alf Maine. “The back seat feature will come in a range of designs, from “mate’s neurotic girlfriend” to “mother-in-law with weak bladder’. And for true masochists, designers are thought to be working on the “Jeremy Clarkson comparing car to his Ferrari'”.