Police were called to the Blue Rinse Cafe on the seafront at Shanklin, Isle of Wight, yesterday to deal with an outbreak of the type of violence not seen since the mid-1960s. The trouble is understood to have erupted when a gang on mobility scooters aggressively took the last parking spaces. The number of those mildly put out is put at nine, but may rise.
When the police first arrived at the scene, they came under a hail of Werther’s Originals and were forced to withdraw to a safe distance. They found a smartly dressed gang clad in sharp suits and Union Jack parkas involved in a stand-off with a rival gang from the Happy Days Care Centre.
The mobility gang had been riding their scooters up and down the seafront for much of the morning, taunting the Happy Days gang, who had been sitting outside the cafe gently nodding to and fro on their comfy slat-back chairs. The scooter gang had been jeering their rivals about the dated leather studded upholstering they still used, a style which had been popular in England during the 1950s but which was now considered ‘uncool’.
‘Trouble began when the leader of the Happy Days gang flashed a pair of Black Eames at the leader of the scooter gang and everything kicked off,’ said PC Colin Hargreaves. ‘They were clearly looking for trouble – just look at this sharp slice of lemon drizzle cake we found near the crime scene and this chain could have taken someone’s eye out if they hadn’t removed the St. Christopher first’.
It seems that a dispute over who gets the park benches nearest the war memorial on pension day had brought about tension between the rival gangs. Police suspect they had planned the meeting outside the Blue Rinse Cafe after finding handwritten letter on headed note paper from the scooter gang formally inviting their rivals to ‘something tasty down on the seafront’
For several hours, members from both gangs were involved in running battles along the seafront, exacerbated by a particularly strong lemon and ginger herbal infusion they’d had for breakfast. Continuing clashes forced police to declare the Blue Rinse Cafe a no-go area, which was bad news for all those insisting they were already desperate and couldn’t hold out much longer.