World War 3 Would Hurt Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize Chances

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The Nobel Committee today warned Donald Trump that starting WW3 would not help his chances of winning the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize. ‘The clue’s in the name,’ said Committee member Brigitte Norsberg. ‘When carefully weighing up who to award the peace prize to, the candidate that has triggered a huge global world war usually gets marked down quite a bit. And rightly so if you ask me.’

Trump himself confidently predicted he would win three Nobel Peace prizes this year alone, and probably the Chemistry and Physics one as well as he was ‘pretty good at that stuff.’ Trump announced ‘I’m gonna win the Nobel Peace prize folks – how bout that? And if I don’t, well I’ll win the Nobel War prize instead! Can’t lose folks.’

Former winner Barack Obama advised Trump to just keep his head down and do fuck all. ‘Trump’ll never win it at this rate,’ said Obama ‘I got one in my first week in office for….well, I’ve still got no idea what for, but I’m pretty sure starting WW3 would have scuppered me.’

Meanwhile the Ayatollah of Iran claimed he should win it for peacefully developing nuclear weapons that can peacefully remove Israel from the Middle East – thus leading to everlasting peace in the region. ‘I love peace more than anyone,’ said the fanatical cleric. ‘And any Iranian that disagrees with me gets years and years and years of peace and quiet to think about it.’

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Posted: May 10th, 2018 by

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