Man convinced he can mend anything with gaffer tape

Gaffer tape

Despite never having had any formal medical training, Paul Nowakowski (36) is fairly sure that an amputated thumb can be reattached with a combination of gaffer tape and wood glue. Faced with a DIY ‘accident’ involving a hedge trimmer and innate male stubbornness, Paul is a firm believer in improvised health care – just like Jeremy Hunt.

Although copious blood loss would suggest otherwise, Paul has every confidence that the gaffer will hold: ‘Yes, I lost consciousness for a few minutes but that’s probably just the hay-fever. I’ll be right as rain, as soon I’ve cleared up all the vomit and got the thumb facing the right direction’.

Rather than visit an A&E Department, Paul is determined to ‘power through’, knowing full well that his wife had given him strict instructions not climb ladders unaided. ‘Let’s not mention my little mishap, I don’t want any awkward recriminations. Mrs Nowakowski hasn’t forgiven me since I hard-wired the TV into the plumbing and electrocuted her mother- again’.

Undeterred, Paul stuck by the curative powers of gaffer tape and lying to your wife: ‘Gaffer can repair anything – shelving, subsidence, even Brexit.’ What about your marriage? ‘No, probably not that’.

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Posted: May 13th, 2018 by

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