Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were left scrambling today to find a last-minute stand-in to fill the all-important ‘Embarrassing Family Member’ role. The role has traditionally been filled by HRH the Duke of Edinburgh, and was due to be filled this Saturday by Meghan’s Dad, Thomas Markle.
However, although Mr Markle has done a great job of embarrassing them before the wedding, it appears he won’t be able to fulfil his duties on the big day itself. Meghan and Harry are said to be scouring their family trees for a suitable drunken long-lost cousin or the more traditional pervy Uncle, but have so far come up short.
As a last resort Harry is considering pleading with Prince Phillip to come out of retirement as a professional ‘gaffe-maker supreme’ and has promised him a free-rein if he agrees. Royal watchers feel that, with an international TV audience of billions watching on, and a generous sprinkling of foreign guests due to be present, the Duke may be unable to resist.