Bank of England reduces ‘compliment-inflation’ on Britain’s Got Talent

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The Bank of England stepped in today to reduce the value of feedback offered by judges on BGT, amidst fears that the inflation of compliments on the show had reached unsustainable levels. The final trigger for action came on Saturday’s show, after David assessed of a man who burped lines from Shakespeare plays as ‘hauntingly reminiscent of Gielgud’s Hamlet’.

‘Interest rates are certainly at an all time low – as I struggled to stay awake past the first ad break’, noted Chief Economist, Helen Davies.  ‘In this context, its perhaps no surprise that exaggeration, hyperbole and ‘panic platitudes’, have become rampant, particularly from Amanda.’

‘In cases of hyper-inflation, people often turn their back on a currency, and place their trust in other commodities’, added Davies.  ‘On BGT, contestants have begun to ignore Alesha’s feedback, and are focusing instead on the pat on the back and the pay-off line they got from Ant and Dec as they leave the stage for their self-actualisation.  Clearly in this situation, we have no choice but to step in’.

In a series of tough reforms, a BGT compliment will now be worth one-tenth of its original level and will be pegged against a representative basket of feedback from other formats; including ‘The Apprentice’, ‘Junior Masterchef’, and the harshest Anne Robinson put-downs from ‘The Weakest Link’.

The Bank of England also announced that staggered standing ovations, where the judges rise from their seats in 5-second intervals, along with any other ‘mock-shock’ displays, will now only be permitted for acts involving junior choirs with more than 50 members.  In the most severe and perhaps wide-reaching measure, the IMF have insisted on a 500% reduction in the number of ‘double thumbs up’ gestures from Simon, as an act walks off.  In future, there will be a maximum of 25 of these permitted in each show.

The Bank has also called for Steven Mulhern’s ‘Britain’s Got More Talent’ show to be axed, although this is thought to have nothing to do with inflation.

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Posted: May 21st, 2018 by

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