The army is on standby after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex start their honeymoon leaving the county without leadership. The trouble is likely to centre around the wretched hive of scum and villainy known locally as “Eastbourne” which is expected to invade nearby Lewes in an attempt to capture valuable Ovaltine dealer patches.
Local warlords have stated that Brighton is safe as it is part of the Brighton and Hove regional authority and technically not part of Sussex.
An MoD spokesman said that, “So far, the night has been quiet. This may be due to regional forces planning their move, or that the military logistics had been affected by the notoriously poor Sunday bus service.”