The National Rifle Association says it’s no coincidence that Meghan Markle “bailed out” of the US as the incidence of spree shooting went up. “We don’t take kindly to people who jump ship”, says NRA spokesman Ray Carr. “For the price of a trans-Atlantic flight she could have tooled up with an AR15 rifle and 5000 rounds of ammunition to protect herself”.
“Becoming a duchess surrounded by servants is fine, but she still won’t be allowed to carry a concealed firearm when she goes to church”, says Mr Carr. He is also “unimpressed” by the lax security at her wedding and the “Toytown” submachine guns toted by police on duty at the event.
Mr Carr believes “gun control tourist” Meghan may bitterly regret her decision to move to the UK: “There’s no way I’d go near those Windsors unless I was packing heat. They’re the most inbred family in Europe, people who’d make backwoods Appalachian hillbillies look like paragons of genetic health. Anything could happen. Remember, the only thing that stops a bad Royal with a gun is a good Royal with a gun”.