Tesco removes Brexit’s ‘best before’ date


Under pressure from the Government, Tesco’s have agreed to extend the length of time that Brexit negotiations can be left on the shelf. While the best before date for leaving the EU was 1973, Tesco’s have said they are willing to extend it to the Summer of 2052 – possibly later.

Many believe Brexit naturally hardens, like cheese, and the riper it gets, the more it will appeal to rats. Explained one store manager: ‘Brexit will be perfectly edible, even if it’s covered in listeria, maggots and Michael Gove. Just hold your nose and think of Britain’.

Normal pre-packaged trade agreements will last for years; unfortunately Brexit has been thrown into a skip, containing the putrefying remains of all the straight bananas. From this skip, David Davis is going to be ladling liquid mould into an ironically titled ‘bag for life’, while assuring passers-by: ‘that every little helps’.

Tesco told their customers that a mildewy Brexit would be perfectly safe to eat, provided you covered it in plenty of sauce: ‘It may turn into a stale pile of shite but it’s all we’ve got. Many people say Boris Johnson lacks a vision for a post-Brexit UK, but that’s just rot’.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2018 by

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