‘Bojo needs wings’ says Boris


Foreign Secretary Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is requesting a private plane to better facilitate his duties representing British interests abroad in a more efficient and prudent manner, also to avoid hordes of screaming fans.

‘Bojo! Bojo! Bojo! It’s terribly off-putting for passengers disembarking public flights to know all that’s waiting for them is a cardboard sign with their name spelt incorrectly, and not the overwhelming public adoration I get. It’s kids too, they respect Bojo, not just because my dad did good jungle. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s Boristeria, but it’s jolly-well not far off. That’s why Bojo needs his own wings, it’s not for me.’ commented the Foreign Secretary.

Boris added, ‘So, I’m in South America, yeh? I’m here to represent British interests but the only British thing everyone’s interested in is Bojo. I’ve just done DC – smashed it! And I’m thinking about a stadium tour of Europe next year to coincide with Brexit, they’ll lap me up… Does anyone know the whereabouts of my mariachi band?’

‘And I want a proper plane not like that fetid old grey RAF Voyager that’s never ruddy available. I’m talking a brand new British 747 but shaped like a unicorn, a British unicorn with an effigy of yours truly riding it, in armour, like St. George…and then, when I’m President Of Earth…’

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Posted: May 24th, 2018 by

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