It has emerged that God faces a record fine for failing to comply with GDPR. The maximum fine is 20 million euros, or four percent of turnover if higher, and with turnover in his case being the income of the entire universe, which is near as damn it infinite, then a fine of four percent of infinity is infinity. However, it is not thought that an infinite amount of money will keep the European Commission going for more than a few years, but that is another subject.
Because God knows everything that everyone has ever done, said or thought, and also knows what everyone is ever going to do, say or think, he is holding the entire past, present and future personal data of all of humanity, ever. Believers say they have signed a positive opt-in, but that leaves billions suffering from potential misuse of the sort of personal data they often wouldn’t even admit to themselves. God hasn’t even issued a privacy statement, beyond some noises about nobody knowing what the Lord thinketh, which hasn’t cut any ice with the Commissioners.
God’s main defence is that none of the information is kept on accessible files but ‘in his head’ where it can’t be hacked. Scientists have generally avoided pursuing the argument that God is in fact a supercomputer because by doing so they would have to accept his existence. God also points out that he never shares his data with anyone, except for Satan, and then only on a need-to-know basis. ‘How do you think no church leaders, not even the Pope, have the faintest clue what I’m up to?’ said God. ‘I never tell them anything.’
In a press statement, European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker said, ‘Putting it in the kindest way possible, God’s understanding of GDPR is a little different from ours here in Brussels. The way he acts demonstrates his failure to understand his lack of importance vis-à-vis us Eurocrats, and he should just give up and pay up like Mrs May is going to.’