Following the news that Michael McIntyre was mugged, fans have expressed relief that he will finally have anecdote that goes beyond parenting observations and shaking his jowls with mock outrage.
His publicist read out a statement: ‘I was stationary in my car. Traffic jams, huh? Hands up who’s ever been in a traffic jam? It’s incredible. Who likes traffic jams? Not, me. And two men – you know what a man is? Who’s ever met a man before? I have. This is unbelievable. Sometimes it’s one man, sometimes its two men. They smashed my car window with a hammer. A hammer. Who uses a hammer these days? And I’m like – Arrrgh. Very high. And he’s like – Grrrrr. Very low, It was unbelievable. Absolutely incredible. Where was I? Oh, yes. Thank you, Wembley, and goodnight!’
Stewart Lee has retorted that McIntyre’s mugging was a bland copy of his own brutal kidnapping and torture during the 1990s. Meanwhile the Metropolitan Police said they had very little evidence to go on as McIntyre had ‘failed to observe anything of value’