Chilean football coach Manuel Pellegrini has woken up badly bruised and beaten, and found he had been robbed of all his dignity after being appointed the new manager of West Ham. Pellegrini said he was out with his wife, when he was ambushed by a group of desperate men who demanded he take over at the London Ground. He now faces a long, painful recovery and says that he feels violated.
‘These men, they say I come to England, live in nice place, coach glamourous Premier League football club with fantastic players. And next thing I know I’ve been signed up to Wet Spam!’ he complained. UK police are looking into similar cases of unsuspecting foreign managers being duped into highly suspect contracts, with Marco Silva calling the cops after taking one quick look around Everton. As yet, however, no-one has been daft enough to be lured to Croydon to manage Crystal Palace.