Michael Gove has responded enthusiastically to the suggestion that Britain will run out of food shortly after Brexit. ‘This is a wonderful opportunity to address one of the greatest health crises of our time,’ said the Environment Secretary or whatever he is at the moment.
‘The government has spent a fortune on campaigns to reduce obesity, but research by the Department of Health has confirmed that there is a strong relationship between eating food and gaining weight. We’ll be killing two birds – and quite a lot of lardarse chavs – with one stone.’
The prospect of drug supplies also running short after Britain closes its borders has also been welcomed. ‘Drugs cost 20% of the health budget. End of problem,’ chuckled Jeremy Hunt. ‘Who says we aren’t looking after the NHS properly?’