Paul Dacre’s replacement as Daily Mail editor is to genetically engineered super-racist android, it has emerged. Named Adbensi, the android has a state-of-the-art AI software chip based on the collective philosophies of Hitler and Mussolini with just a smidge of Simon Cowell’s control-freakery melded in, just in case anyone in-house gets ideas above their station.
Nigel Farage is reported to be disappointed at having been passed over for the job himself, but nevertheless has now given his full support to Adbensi. Speaking on Sky News he said: ‘Of course I’m gutted with the result but I’m heartened that we will now get the kind of Brexit we can be proud of. Indeed, I believe the new editor is to come out swinging, championing a new national campaign to have the Channel Tunnel pumped full of concrete.’