In the rush to protect everyone’s data from The Matrix, an over-enthusiastic IT manager, from Stroud, may have inadvertently erased the ‘sum of human knowledge’. Sadly it looks like 100% of the internet may have been deleted and along with it 28% of mankind’s knowledge and 100% of its porn.
What should have been the simple removal of three-year old emails, ended up with the deletion of the invention of the Wheel, the complete works of Shakespeare and how to use a fidget spinner. We may be forced to re-invent everything from scratch, with only rudimentary tools – a bit like Brexit, then.
Explained one colleague: ‘We thought we had a back-up somewhere – Civilization 2.0. But when attempted a re-boot, we discovered that it had been taped over with ‘Match of the Day’. And you can’t run a functioning society just based on the footballing anecdotes of Alan Shearer. Not outside of Newcastle.’
Not everything is a disaster, as we will be able to forget the more ignoble parts of our history; like the Fall of Rome, James Corden and twerking. A new world order will need to be created, based on mutual tolerance and Socratic debate – similar to happy hour at Wetherspoon.