Obituary: BT makes final call


Following the announcement of job cuts, and a fall in share price to a 6 year low in February, it was clear that health had not been good.  We now regret to bring you the news that some people may find upsetting.

British Telecommunications, who has died aged 170 years, was best known for providing super un-fast broadband connections to remote coastal areas such as Warrington and Runcorn on the Mersey Estuary; including many towns isolated from London, like Milton Keynes.

The Telecom giant – famed winner of a Misnomer of a Generation Award, on account of the ironically named BT Infinity hub – was finally disconnected from life support yesterday; as the blue light flickered before turning orange.

The funeral will be held as soon as an Engineer is available to connect the Church microphone, between 8am to 6pm, on a day the Priest is likely to be out.

Honouring the BT legacy of achievement on the Internet Highway, a parade of Sunday drivers – commandeering milk-floats – will head a 3 toed Sloth-like procession down a yet to be identified motorway stretch boasting little infrastructure; progressing at a dilatory pace of 10 foot per minute.

Relatives have kindly requested no flowers.  However, exorbitant financial donations will be greedily received from contemporary rivals, subsequently being under invested in a fibre less post requiem dinner of Asda Feasters, micro-wave cheese burgers and curly fries.

Whatever other service you require, please listen to the options. When you mishear them all press number 115 to hear the options again.


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Posted: Jun 11th, 2018 by

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